Episode 65: Parenting 3-7 Year-Olds With Ba Luvmour [The Amiel Show]

Ba2

This week on the podcast, I welcome back Ba Luvmour to discuss parenting kids ages 3-7. Ba is the headmaster at Summa Academy in Portland, which our older son attends–and loves!

Ba and I previously spoke about parenting 8-12 year-olds and parenting teens.

Highlights

  • 7:00 The importance of “rightful place”
  • 13:00 Loving touch, the nourishment of this stage, comes in many forms
  • 16:30 Being patient with a child’s egotism and expressions of power
  • 24:30 Kids this age don’t read time well
  • 36:30 Being a mountain for the child
  • 43:00 Do these kids need to sit at the dinner table while adults talk?
  • 47:30 Rejoicing in a child’s experience versus saying “good job!”

Listen to the Podcast

Download l Listen in new window

Explore Additional Resources

New to Podcasts?

Get started here

Subscribe to the Show on iTunes (It’s Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without a Subscribe button (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on the Subscribe button. It’s in the upper left corner of the screen.

Give Me a Rating or Review on iTunes (It’s Also Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without “Ratings and Reviews” (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on “Ratings and Reviews”
  5. Give it a rating. Bonus for a review

 

Episode 64: Overcoming Immunity To Change With Deborah Helsing [The Amiel Show]

Deb Helsing

This week on the podcast, I welcome back Deborah Helsing to discuss Immunity to Change: what it is, why it matters for leaders and organizations, and how to overcome it.

Deb teaches at Harvard and heads up Coach Learning Programs for Minds at Work, the company created by Bob Kegan and Lisa Lahey, who coauthored Immunity to Change.

Deb and I previously spoke about deliberately developmental organizations.

This time, we met at her office in Cambridge, to explore why every time we try to change, we look down and discover our foot is on the brakes. Yikes! And, more importantly, how to use our understanding of this messy situation to our advantage!

Highlights

  • 12:00 Seeing the brilliant way your psychological immune system operates
  • 18:00 Hidden or competing commitments, the brakes on change
  • 22:30 Feeling the pit of your stomach is a very good sign
  • 35:00 Some people felt tricked by flipping complaints into commitments
  • 40:00 Designing safe experiments to test your untested assumption
  • 46:30 Which developmental stages benefit from this approach?
  • 49:30 How Immunity to Change approach nurtures developmental change

Listen to the Podcast

Explore Additional Resources

New to Podcasts?

Get started here

Subscribe to the Show on iTunes (It’s Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without a Subscribe button (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on the Subscribe button. It’s in the upper left corner of the screen.

Give Me a Rating or Review on iTunes (It’s Also Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without “Ratings and Reviews” (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on “Ratings and Reviews”
  5. Give it a rating. Bonus for a review

 

Episode 63: Using Worldviews To Explain The Election With Cindy Wigglesworth [The Amiel Show]

cindy-w-2

Still trying to make sense of the U.S. presidential election? Me, too.

This week, leadership consultant and author Cindy Wigglesworth helps us understand what happened through the lens of worldviews. With an approach called Spiral Dynamics as our guide, Cindy describes how worldviews emerge progressively as we grow, what happens when they rub against each other, and how to reintegrate worldviews that we have kicked under the rug.

It’s a rich topic, one with interlocking questions about our political moment. For example:

What happens when the Blue “rules and roles” worldview gets attacked on one side by the Red “powerful self” and on the other side by Green “pluralism?”

Might liberals’ pluralism have underestimated the visceral appeal of the fierce Red within Donald Trump and many of his supporters?

What happens when Orange “achiever” values take the form of crony capitalism–and what would a healthier capitalism look like?

What new and more advanced worldview might be called forth in our culture if the survival of our species is at stake (if it isn’t already)?

This conversation with Cindy is part three of my post-election series. Although I’ve received a lot of positive feedback about parts one and two, I realize that politics—even at this dramatic moment in history–isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. If so, stay tuned for future interviews with Deb Helsing about Immunity to Change, Steve Waddell about large systems change, and Sean Casey Leclaire about men and leadership.

But, first, Cindy Wigglesworth. Cindy is a recognized expert in spiritual intelligence and its application to leaders and organizations. She describes her approach as faith-neutral, faith-friendly, and science-friendly. She created the SQ21 assessment of spiritual intelligence and is author of SQ21: The Twenty-One Skills of Spiritual Intelligence.

This conversation about the election, although informed by Cindy’s wisdom and compassion, doesn’t focus explicitly on spiritual intelligence. On the other hand, I think it will recharge your spiritual batteries as it did mine.

Highlights

  • 7:30 Spiral Dynamics stages: red, blue, orange, and green
  • 15:00 Different reasons people voted for Trump
  • 18:30 How Bernie pulled Hillary more into Green
  • 22:00 Green pluralism often attacks Blue rules
  • 25:40 Strategic approach to societal survival issues
  • 31:30 How to reintegrate the virtues of your Red (Powerful Self) and Blue (Rules and Roles) world views
  • 40:30 How we can disown world views as we grow
  • 45:00 Variety of forms capitalism takes
  • 48:30 Critiques of capitalism—and their limits

Listen to the Podcast

Download l Listen in new window

Tweet a Quote

Liberalism often underestimates the value of enforcing society’s rules and roles

–Cindy Wigglesworth   Tweet this quote

Spiral Dynamics worldviews discussed in interview

  • Red: Powerful Self
  • Blue: Rules and Roles
  • Orange: Achiever
  • Green: Pluralistic
  • Yellow: Strategic

Explore Additional Resources

New to Podcasts?

Get started here

Subscribe to the Show on iTunes (It’s Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without a Subscribe button (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on the Subscribe button. It’s in the upper left corner of the screen.

Give Me a Rating or Review on iTunes (It’s Also Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without “Ratings and Reviews” (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on “Ratings and Reviews”
  5. Give it a rating. Bonus for a review

 

Episode 62: Crisis, Healing, Civic Engagement With Terry Patten [The Amiel Show]

Terry nPatten

It’s been two weeks since Trump’s victory shocked the world. An avid reader, I’ve been exploring 101 different interpretations of why he won, what his presidency means for the future, and what actions responsible citizens can take. I know many people who are still in shock even after undertaking practices to heal the body and soul. Yet, at some point, the future calls us to make sense of this complexity.

What are the implications for my family and friends? How might the next 6-12 months play out in terms of public policy, health of our constitutional democracy, and the quality of community life? Some of us are drawn to what previously were known as worst case scenarios. Now they are plausible futures. Other prefer to hope for the best. After all, we’ve survived far worse situations, haven’t we?

Our times call for a quality of thinking and awareness that can embrace all of these perspectives. To explore this, I reached out to Terry Patten, a leading voice in integral evolutionary leadership and spirituality. Terry believes that this moment in history calls for lighthearted sobriety. According to Terry, “Denial (deciding to be optimistic without reckoning seriously with the challenges) is morally indefensible.” Yet because “despair is a self-fulfilling prophesy, optimism is an even more essential moral imperative.”

Terry and I discuss this and more in a wide ranging interview.

Terry describes three ways we can view this moment in history: the beginning of collapse, a healing crisis through which something greater will emerge, and a call to greater civic engagement.

Can we grow our minds, hearts, and bodies sufficiently to embrace all of this—and still smile in amazement at the miracle of our lives?

A bit more about Terry. He coauthored with Ken Wilber the groundbreaking book Integral Life Practice: A 21st Century Blueprint for Physical Health, Emotional Balance, Mental Clarity, and Spiritual Awakening. He hosts a free webcast called Beyond Awakening and will soon offer a free course called “Befriending Your Overstimulated Brain.” In fall 2017, North Atlantic Books will publish Terry’s new book about the practice of responsible, conscious citizenship of a civilization in crisis.

While talking with Terry I felt my mind physically stretch, my heart soften, and my feet extend deeply into the earth.

Enjoy and share widely to people you care about.

Highlights

  • 6:30 Facing up to our own subtle superiority
  • 14:30 Exchange with Ken Wilber about the excesses of postmodernism
  • 21:30 Scenarios of ecological and social collapse
  • 30:00 Why immunizing ourselves from crisis won’t work
  • 35:30 The restoration of amazement even amidst collapse
  • 44:00 The redemption in making a “no matter what” commitment
  • 50:00 Citizenship as an American and fellowship with the world

Listen to the Podcast

Download l Listen in new window

Tweet a Quote

To be delivered a higher purpose is an existential gift.

–Terry Patten  Tweet this quote

Explore Additional Resources

New to Podcasts?

Get started here

Subscribe to the Show on iTunes (It’s Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without a Subscribe button (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on the Subscribe button. It’s in the upper left corner of the screen.

Give Me a Rating or Review on iTunes (It’s Also Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without “Ratings and Reviews” (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on “Ratings and Reviews”
  5. Give it a rating. Bonus for a review

 

Episode 61: Healing Trump Shock Using The Enneagram With Roxanne Howe-Murphy [The Amiel Show]

Roxanne Howe-Murphy

When the world turns upside down, when all that is solid melts into air, shock is a natural response.

Often, the shock is individual: Death of a loved one. A cancer diagnosis. Loss of a job or home.

And then there are events like the Cuban missile crisis, the Kennedy assassination, and 9/11. The ground beneath all of us suddenly feels less stable.

For more than half of the U.S. population–and millions around the world–the election of Donald Trump last week has been the ultimate shock.

I am no exception. I’ve experienced waves of disgust, sadness, anger, regret, and fear. My brain is wired to look forward, so it remains curious and anxious about the many future scenarios that could unfold. The gravest: unsteady hands on the nuclear codes and an impulsive and vindictive man interacting with other foreign powers.

It’s clear that I’m going to be reframing my work, friendships, and community commitments. Sobriety, imagination, and courage strike me as important guiding virtues. But how to express them? What actions would allow me to express my best self?

This week’s guest, Roxanne Howe-Murphy, suggests that I–and you–take an important step before plunging into action: get in touch with our own experiences with clarity and compassion.

Roxanne views Trump’s election as a leadership wake up call. The first task of leadership, she says, is to create a space for people to be present to their own experiences and share their stories. Not just because this is kind and truthful, but also because it produces wiser action. When we become present to our habitual patterns, we are more likely to do good stuff rather than head down negative spirals.

Roxanne is a pioneering teacher of the Enneagram, wise woman, and healing presence. Our conversation is very real. I hope you get value from it and share it with others in your life.

Highlights

  • Shock points can be transformative moments or downward spirals
  • The power of presence
  • I share my own experience this week to illustrate the core pattern of Type Six, the Loyal Skeptic
  • Roxanne describes Donald Trump as a low-average to unhealthy Type Eight, the Challenger. What can we expect from him?
  • What are skillful ways to influence a Type Eight?

Listen to the Podcast

Explore Additional Resources

New to Podcasts?

Get started here

Subscribe to the Show on iTunes (It’s Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without a Subscribe button (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on the Subscribe button. It’s in the upper left corner of the screen.

Give Me a Rating or Review on iTunes (It’s Also Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without “Ratings and Reviews” (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on “Ratings and Reviews”
  5. Give it a rating. Bonus for a review

 

Episode 60: Being A Good Guy, Breaking With The Bro Code With Janet Crawford [The Amiel Show]

Janet-Crawford

Are you a man who wants to support women and under-represented minorities in your organization?

In short, would you like to be a good guy?

If so, then you may wonder How exactly can I be a good guy?

The answer may surprise you.

It is not enough to track numbers or avoid discrimination and other offensive behaviors—much less sexual assault, which many of us are now discussing due to the U.S. presidential race. (Here is my take on the election.)

There are a series of positive steps you can take that go well beyond avoiding harm.

Some actions won’t pose risks for your public identity or career. Others require breaking from the Bro Code.

This week, Janet Crawford is back on the podcast to share her insights and practical tips for everyone who wants to be a good guy.

Janet is helping lead this conversation in Silicon Valley. Among all the executive coaches I know, she is the most knowledgeable about how the brain works and why this matters for leadership and unconscious bias. In episode 1 of this podcast, she talked about leaders’ brains, emotional literacy, and power.

Janet is unique because she not only works with organizations but also stays up to date on the latest brain and social science research. In fact, in just the past two years, she has updated her own views. For example, if a man sees a woman apologizing when it seems unwarranted, what can he do that will be helpful? Janet’s thoughts have changed—and, after listening to her, so have mine.

I can’t think of a more timely topic. If you find this conversation to be useful, please share it with colleagues and friends. That will help a lot.

Highlights:

  • 10:00 Biologically, the experiences of women and under-represented minorities is very different
  • 19:00 African American women are better prepared for bias than Caucasian women
  • 24:30 CEO of AT&T sets a model for candidly sharing vulnerable stories
  • 29:00 Proactive steps to make it safe to take risks and innovate
  • 35:00 Sponsorship is very different from mentorship
  • 39:00 New research on how the power hierarchy influences behavior
  • 46:00 The leader sets a norm for civil behavior
  • 51:00 What is the Bro Code?
  • 57:00 A woman’s brain changes when a man stands up for her
  • 1:04:00 Breaking from the Bro Code is courageous
  • 1:09:00 It’s not about infantilizing women

Listen to the Podcast

Tweet a Quote

There is an overt Bro Code and a subtle form.

–Janet Crawford  Tweet this quote

Explore Additional Resources

New to Podcasts?

Get started here

Subscribe to the Show on iTunes (It’s Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without a Subscribe button (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on the Subscribe button. It’s in the upper left corner of the screen.

Give Me a Rating or Review on iTunes (It’s Also Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without “Ratings and Reviews” (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on “Ratings and Reviews”
  5. Give it a rating. Bonus for a review