Asking For What You Want

A Skill For Overcoming Your Most Intractable Challenges

It's at the center of half of the tension and confusion in your life. It's also core to bringing your deepest aspirations to fruition.

When you do it with mindful skill, good things happen. Work projects flow smoothly. You and your significant other feel in sync. Your kids understand what you want from them. You get your aging parents and ill friends the support they need. Everyday actions like ordering repairs and managing finances happen with less churn and more flow.

When you do it sloppily, the world seems dedicated to thwarting your intentions. Work is filled with dropped balls, confusion, and resentment. At home, experiences you yearn to have with your partner and kids pass you by. Navigating everything else, from hospital care for your mom to the plumbing repair to getting paid on time, seems like never-ending frustration.   

The "it" in all of these examples is making requests: communicating to others what you want and when you want it by. And showing how this will benefit you, them, and some greater good. This skill—sometimes known as "making the ask"—is pivotal to creating the results you want in life and avoiding the annoyances.

Unfortunately, most of us have never been taught to make requests. We aren't very good at it. We're not clear what we want. We're not clear when we want it by. We assume everyone knows what we're talking about. If our words are clear, our tone of voice and body language rub others the wrong way. On top of all that, many requests we could be making remain hidden from others (and us!) as uncommunicated expectations, unnamed wants, and unprocessed frustrations.

The good news is that making requests is a learnable skill. There is a practical method to conceive, design, and deliver clear requests. There are key elements to include, sequences to follow, and ways of tuning your body and emotions. You can practice all of this deliberately. As with sports and music, you get better through high reps, feedback from competent observers, and your own personal reflection. 

That's what Asking For What You Want is about. This eight-week course is about creating the results you want in different domains of life by designing powerful requests and practicing them in an embodied way.

What You'll Learn