Blog and newsletter

What Do You Do When There’s Nothing to Do?

by amiel · Sep 11, 2014

Note: I wrote this in early August

The woman at the registration table thinks I’m going to kidnap someone else’s child. If she knew how hard it is for me to get my own kids to follow me, she wouldn’t be suspicious. However, her job isn’t to read my mind. It’s to protect the kids at summer camp from people doing strange things or, as in my case, asking unusual questions.

Curiosity can get you into trouble.

Denied entry

It all started two days ago. After finishing my work day, I drove to camp to pick up my older son. The man at the registration table looked down at a sheet of paper and said, “Sorry, you’re not on the approved list.” Many parents would get frustrated or angry to hear such news. I was excited. It meant that this camp was strict about the security rules—my kind of camp. [Read more…] about What Do You Do When There’s Nothing to Do?

Trust Your Gut. Eat the Other Brownie

by amiel · Sep 4, 2014

Sometimes it pays to trust your gut.

For example, many years ago I was at a Halloween party with friends, enjoying myself, when I came across two plates of brownies. One plate was labeled, “If you have nothing to do tomorrow.” The other said, “If you have something to do tomorrow.” In a festive spirit, I reached for a brownie on the first plate. It tasted good—rich and chewy, just the way I liked it.

It was a small brownie, so I instinctively reached for another. And another. And another. After all, I thought, how much rum could they put in a little brownie?

After consuming five or six pieces, I stopped for a moment. “Why,” I said out loud, “are these pieces so darn small? It doesn’t make any sense.”

A guy next to me heard the question. “You’ll find out soon enough,” he said with a grin. [Read more…] about Trust Your Gut. Eat the Other Brownie

Make life bigger than “Yes” versus “No”

by amiel · Aug 20, 2014

Many people want you to stop saying “Yes” to everything. It’s overloading your life, sapping your energy, and keeping you from doing the meaningful stuff. Jeff Goins calls this “the small but soul-crushing word you use every day.”

Their solution? Say “No.”

This recommendation isn’t wrong, just incomplete. What it leaves out are two other legitimate responses to requests. By incorporating these into your repertoire, you not only free yourself from overscheduling. You also live a bigger life.

But first…

The virtues of saying “No”

Let’s give “No” its due. If you’re the kind of person who agrees to everything, making more frequent use of “No” helps you: [Read more…] about Make life bigger than “Yes” versus “No”

$10K Phrases: “Help Me Understand”

by amiel · Aug 6, 2014

One of my favorite $10,000 phrases is “help me understand.” In this post, I describe why this phrase produces powerful leadership conversations, when to use it, and how to incorporate it into your day-to-day communication.

Why say “help me understand”

This phrase has three important purposes: [Read more…] about $10K Phrases: “Help Me Understand”

Three Downsides of Emotional Intelligence

by amiel · Jul 31, 2014

Over the past decade “emotional intelligence” has become a big buzz word. Managers thrive when they have it. Marriages end when they don’t. And if you aren’t in touch with your cat’s emotions, you don’t deserve to call yourself a cat person.

That’s all fine and good.

But what about the downsides of emotional intelligence? Isn’t it time these got some attention?

I think so. And here are the big three:

1. The Downside of Compassion

Compassion asks a lot of us. People confuse it with sympathy or empathy, but they’re very different. Sympathy means being concerned about someone else. Empathy involves this and feeling their emotions. Yes, I know, that’s a lot to ask, but compassion provides an even greater challenge. When you feel compassion, you are concerned about someone and you feel their emotions and you want to do something about it. The origin is Latin: to “suffer with.” [Read more…] about Three Downsides of Emotional Intelligence

Luck matters

by amiel · Jul 25, 2014

Luck matters. We hate to admit it, but it does.

Let’s start with DNA. Your genes are responsible for 50 percent of your happiness. It’s called the “genetic set point.” Don’t buy this? Talk with twins who’ve been apart for forty years. Or take a look at the research. The conclusion is clear: half of your happiness is determined at your birth. You can pick your jeans but not your genes.

Now consider demographics. How much wealth you are born into. The color of your skin. The place where you grow up. You don’t control these either.

Luck matters.

Yet we convince ourselves it does not.

[Read more…] about Luck matters

#WDS2014: Loving Nerds, Igniting Practice, and Growing a New Mind

by amiel · Jul 18, 2014

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

—Mary Oliver

It is called the World Domination Summit—or WDS for short—and billed as a three-day gathering for remarkable people living in a conventional world. I signed up to lure my brother to Portland for a visit—and because three Millennials called it “epic” and two Boomers said it was “refreshingly positive.” I showed up to see what all the fuss was about—and meet people I could hire to help me share my ideas more broadly. And I left—take a deep breath, because here’s the heretical part—neither wiser nor more inspired but with a deeper commitment to what I’ve been intending to do for years.

This post is not a recap of the experience—for initial summaries check out here, here, and here—but my reflections on its meaning for me, a 44-year-old leadership coach who doubles as a father, husband, and Paleo Jewish mystic empiricist. [Read more…] about #WDS2014: Loving Nerds, Igniting Practice, and Growing a New Mind

« Previous Page