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Episode 96: Three Ways To Be Happy (3-Minute Thursday)

Episode 96: Three Ways To Be Happy (3-Minute Thursday)

by amiel · Feb 13, 2019

Three ways to be happy is the topic of today’s 3-minute Thursday.

My inspiration is Martin Seligman’s classic book, Authentic Happiness, which helped me cope through hard times and find joy and freedom in good times.

Seligman describes the pleasure life, the engaged life, and the meaningful life. What are these and why do they matter?

Listen in as I walk you through these three forms of happiness with examples from my own experience.

All in 3-minutes. So you can stop listening—and start practicing.

Listen to the Podcast

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Filed Under: 3-minute Thursday, Engagement, Happiness, Podcast, Strengths

Episode 88: Do You Know Your People? (3-Minute Thursday)

Episode 88: Do You Know Your People? (3-Minute Thursday)

by amiel · Nov 29, 2018


Photo Credit: davidmoore326 Flickr via Compfight cc

Do you know your people?

Welcome to 3-minute Thursday. Today, I give you four questions to ask yourself about the people on your team so you can know them better tomorrow than you do today.

Why is it important to get to know your people?

  1. To retain them.
  2. To keep them happy, engaged, and performing at a high level.

I also offer four ways you can find answers to these questions.

All in 3-minutes. So you can stop listening—and start practicing.

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Filed Under: 3-minute Thursday, Engagement, Podcast, Retention, Strengths

Episode 86: Protecting Liberal Democracy & Living Virtuously With Theo Horesh

Episode 86: Protecting Liberal Democracy & Living Virtuously With Theo Horesh

by amiel · Nov 13, 2018

protecting liberal democracy

Protecting liberal democracy from fascism isn’t just important to the world, however imperfect, that we take for granted. It’s also a path to the virtuous life.

I’ve had this intuition for some time. But sometimes it helps to have another person with clear thinking to shape that intuition into a framework for making sense of the world. That’s why I reached out to Theo Horesh, this week’s guest on the podcast.

A seasoned entrepreneur, writer and author, Theo bring lucidity to any conversation he is in. Whether the topic is personal growth, spirituality, politics, or the state of the world, Theo is a fountain of wisdom and moral clarity.

As I discussed in last week’s episode, this podcast is entering brave new waters. Nearly every podcast about organizational leadership and personal development avoids politics like the plague. That’s certainly their prerogative. I’m making a different choice for two reasons.

First, I know how many of you are, like me, struggling to make sense of our political life and the world in which we live. The perspectives and stories we explore will light a candle where now there is darkness.

Second, I think that the life we take for granted in the developed West is up for grabs. The health of your company or college or not-for-profit depends on a form of government known as liberal democracy. It depends on protecting liberal democracy. The freedoms you and I have to make life choices, pick jobs and careers, choose partners, and speak freely in public exist because we live in liberal democracies.

Protecting liberal democracy is important because they are relatively new and uncommon. They didn’t exist in the Garden of Eden, hunter-and-gather societies, agriculture-based civilizations, or even most of the early industrialized world. They are a new invention. We take them for granted, but they are precious, and they can go away.

Theo Horesh has thought deeply about this. How is liberal democracy different from fascism, dictatorship and autocracy? How is it that the most classic and deadly example of a fascist government took root in what was then the world’s most advanced society, 1930’s Germany? What signs do we see of something similar happening today in the United States and parts of Europe? Why do so many of us still have our heads in the sand while, at the same time, so many others believe we’re already practically fascist, so what’s the point anyhow? Why does choosing the virtuous life—one that inevitably must involve politics—make sense no matter what happens in the future? How can we protect liberal democracy?

In this conversation, I invite Theo to help me wrestle with these questions and many more.

As I said, we’re breaking new ground into edgier topics. I this hope feels to you like we are breaking bread together. The most troubling and perplexing political questions can coexist with rigorous and respectful conversation. Indeed, why would we want it any other way?

As always, when you share with friends, we all win.

Highlights

  • 9:30 What is fascism?
  • 20:30 Germany before Nazi rule was the most advanced society in the world
  • 26:30 Fascism is not at all conservative
  • 35:30 We have a fascist President and movement but not a fascist government
  • 53:30 The benefits of living a virtuous life
  • 58:30 Why many on the Left felt glee about Trump’s election
  • 63:30 The importance of conserving democratic institutions
  • 1:08:30 The extraordinary freedoms we take for granted

Listen to the Podcast

http://traffic.libsyn.com/amielhandelsman/TAS_086_Theo_Horesh.mp3

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Explore Additional Resources

  • The Holocausts We All Deny: Collective Trauma in the World Today by Theo Horesh
  • Convergence: The Globalization of Mind by Theo Horesh

 

Filed Under: Adult development, Complexity, Emotions, Engagement, Podcast, Power and politics

Prevent Your Achilles’ Heel From Becoming Achilles’ Hell

Prevent Your Achilles’ Heel From Becoming Achilles’ Hell

by amiel · Oct 23, 2018

Achilles Heel

Your Achilles’ Heel can guide you on a path to Achilles’ Hell. Or, you can master it and become a better leader, partner, parent, and friend. Let me explain how this works.

If you’re human, you have flaws. And there is probably one big one that can screw up your career or, at the very least, limit your potential for great leadership and/or big promotions. We call this the Achilles’ Heel in homage to a mythical Greek warrior who was invulnerable in battle except for his foot. I describe the Achilles’ Heel as a set of habits wired into your brain and body that limits your repertoire of leadership behaviors. In other words, it constrains your degrees of freedom.

Fortunately, the latest neuroscience teaches us that these habits can be rewired even well into adulthood. The leaders I work with accomplish this through deliberate practice and rigorous self-observation. This takes courage and focus, but the result is greater energy to respond to complex decisions and challenges.

How would you describe your Achilles’ Heel?

Here’s my hunch: you have a very good idea of the behaviors that get you into trouble. One or two dozen performance reviews have taught you that. But do you know what is behind these behaviors? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a better understanding of the thought patterns and habitual emotional reactions that produce these behaviors so you can nip those habits in the bud?

No, not really, Amiel. That sounds unpleasant. Pass the beer nuts.

Let’s assume you’re willing to muster the courage to delve into these inner experiences. Let’s say you are up for honing in on what makes you tick—and that you might actually appreciate what you get out of this. How might you learn about your Achilles Heel, and what would you do with the new understanding?

A Brief History of the Achilles’ Heel

Before we go there, I’d like to provide a very brief history of the Achilles’ Heel concept in leadership. In the late 70s and early 80s, researchers at the Center for Creative Leadership (CCL) identified a set of leadership derailers. If you’re a train speeding down a track (rather than a Greek warrior entering battle), these are the factors that can throw you off track. It was wonderful research, and it had several significant upshots for organizations.

  • Take the time to identify leaders’ derailers. Then do something about them. At that point in time, leadership derailers generally weren’t on organizations’ radar. First, because the concept hadn’t been invented and, second, because in the United States companies had experienced a remarkable period of growth without significant global competition since World War II. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the CCL study happened shortly after the United States stopped being the only economic game in town
  • Go beyond the simple reward strategy of promoting managers up the chain. To teach managers the lessons they needed to lead on a larger level, CCL suggested employing lateral moves. For example, if you have an operations manager with solid results and great potential who is lousy at listening to others, put them in a customer service management role where the job itself forces them to practice listening.

As robust and practical as the CCL’s research was, it had far less impact on managerial practice than the researchers had hoped. The happened for two reasons:

The rise of competencies

The notion that leaders have a single big potential derailer was trounced in the marketplace by the concept of competencies. When your organization asks you to do a 360, the result is a report that lists anywhere from 15 to 100 different competencies. A bunch are strengths. A bunch are weaknesses (or “development areas” or “opportunity areas”). This is all fine and good, but the sheer number of items detracts from the focus on a single Achilles’ Heel. When I work with leaders who have received a 360, my first task is to help them find the signal in the midst of all this noise.

The strengths-based approach

The other competition to the notion of Achilles’ Heel is the growth of the strengths-based school of leadership development. If you’ve taken the StrengthsFinder instrument, you’ve been part of this school. Personally, I can’t imagine coaching leaders without an understanding of their strengths. And I would agree that leveraging your strengths is a wonderful way to develop. Where the strengths-based school goes overboard, in my opinion, is in its insistence that people always develop best in their area of greatest strength. This may be true for many first-line employees, but it is not for managers. Here’s why: the complexity and pressure of their roles—coupled with their wide span of people they affect—is incompatible with an unattended Achilles’ Heel. High performers get hurt and leave. Or stick around but lose passion for work. Low performers retaliate or find new justification for working below standards. And the leaders’ own career can suffer.  So my take—grounded in research and my own experience—is that leaders develop best in both their area of greatest strength and their Achilles’ Heel. (Quick aside: for strengths, my favorite instruments are StrengthsFinder 2.0, created by the Gallup Organization, and the VIA Survey of Character Strengths. The latter is available for free by registering on the University of Pennsylvania’s Authentic Happiness web site. There are also many excellent books on this topic like Now, Discover Your Strengths, Strengths-Based Leadership, and Go Put Your Strengths to Work.)

Identify Your Achilles’ Heel

The Enneagram

As for identifying your Achilles’ Heel, there are a number of instruments and tools you can use. My favorite is one with an unusual name: the Enneagram. It’s a model of nine personality types. Each type describes a deep and fundamental pattern of making sense of experience that drives what you pay attention to and what you ignore. Remember the listening filters from the last chapter? Each listening filter is an expression of a particular personality type. As we’ve seen, if you’re not attentive to it, it can get you into all sorts of trouble. That’s one reason I joke that the Enneagram describes nine potential paths to Achilles’ Hell. Fortunately, the Enneagram also shows the nine roads to great leadership precisely by helping you get free from the constraints of your Achilles’ Heel. Rather than putting you in a box, it shows you the box you put yourself in every day—and how to escape it.

The nine Enneagram types are known as The Perfectionist, The Helper, The Achiever, The Individualist, The Investigator, The Loyal Skeptic, The Enthusiast, The Challenger, and the Peacemaker. My favorite books about this topic, Personality Types and The Wisdom of the Enneagram, both by Don Riso and Russ Hudson, describe how each type has Unhealthy, Average, and Healthy manifestations. In other words, just identifying your type doesn’t tell you immediately “how you are.” You also need to assess your relative level of health within that type.

Most leaders, most organizations, and most families operate at an Average level of health. This means there is a lot of room for growth. To give you a taste of how this works, here are quick-and-dirty summaries of three different Enneagram types that I’ve lifted from Personality Types.

  • Type One: The Reformer. The key motivation is to be right, have integrity, and be consistent with their ideals. At the highest level of Health they “become extraordinarily wise and discerning…Humane, inspiring, and hopeful. [At an Average level,] dissatisfied with reality, they become high-minded idealists, feeling that it is up to them to improve everything…They point out how things ‘ought’ to be…Become orderly and well-organized but impersonal, rigid, emotionally constricted…highly critical both of self and others… [At an Unhealthy level they] make very severe judgments of others, while rationalizing their own actions… [They are] condemnatory, punitive and cruel in order to rid themselves of whatever they believe is disturbing them.”
  • Type Six: The Loyal Skeptic. The key motivation is to have safety and security. At the highest level of Health they “become self-affirming, trusting of self and others [which] leads to true courage, positive thinking, leadership, and rich self-expression… [At an Average level they] start investing their time and energy into whatever they believe will be safe and stable…Constantly vigilant, anticipating problems… [They have s]trong self-doubt as well as suspicion about others’ motives… [At an Unhealthy level they] become clingingly dependent and self-disparaging with acute inferiority feelings…Feeling persecuted, that others are ‘out to get them,’ they lash out and act irrationally, bringing about what they fear.”
  • Type Nine: The Peacemaker. The key motivation is to have serenity and peace of mind. At a Healthy level they are “optimistic, reassuring, supportive: have a healing and calming influence—harmonizing groups, bringing people together. A good mediator, synthesizer, and communicator… [At an Average level they] become self-effacing and agreeable, accommodating themselves, idealizing others and ‘going along’ with things to avoid conflict…Become passive, disengaged, unreflective, and inattentive… [They p]ractice wishful thinking and wait for magical solutions… [At an Unhealthy level they] do not want to deal with problems: become depressed and listless, dissociating self from all conflicts. Neglectful and dangerously irresponsible.”

I trust you won’t try to identify your type from these brief descriptions. That requires more thorough exploration. Instead, I invite you to notice the wide variation in motivation between just these three types. They are very different!

That’s the great thing about pinpointing what makes you tick: it suggests very specific practices for becoming a healthier version of your personality type and therefore increasing your odds of practicing great leadership.

Hogan

Another useful tool for working with your Achilles’ Hell is the Hogan Development Inventory (Hogan) which identifies “the dark side of personality—qualities that emerge in times of increased strain and can disrupt relationships, damage reputations, and derail peoples’ chances of success.” Hogan measures personality along 11 scales like Excitable, Skeptical, Leisurely, and Colorful. I don’t use Hogan because it gives leaders an enormous—and, in my opinion, overwhelming—amount of data. It’s also expensive for clients. However, many trusted colleagues of mine use it regularly. What I appreciate about Hogan is that it consciously builds upon the Center for Creative Leadership’s pioneering research on derailment by making the derailers identifiable.

Heal Your Achilles’ Heel

What do you do after you’ve honed in on your Achilles Heel? Both the Enneagram and Hogan provide a wealth of answers. Here are my suggestions:

  1. Learn your unique path to Achilles’ Hell. As you consider each outer practice of great leadership, ask yourself, “How might my Achilles’ Heel get in the way of successfully taking on this practice?” For example, as someone who identifies with Type Six (The Loyal Skeptic) on the Enneagram, I find that my pattern of seeing what could go wrong puts me at risk of the following: putting a damper on conversations for possibility by pointing out risks, turning against others when I fear I cannot trust them, getting stuck in complaints, taking my assessments to be the truth, assuming some relationships will never improve, only telling stories that confirm a pessimistic view of the future, getting distracted from listening by worst-case scenario thoughts, and asking mediocre questions because I’m afraid the great ones will blow people away
  2. Observe. Observe your Achilles’ heel in action. What triggers it? How does it operate? To make this practical, pick one meeting or event each day to observe yourself. Mark it on your calendar. When you step into the room or pick up the phone or look at the monitor, start paying attention to yourself. When are you heading in the direction of Achilles’ Hell. What are you doing or saying at this moment? After the meeting or event is over—or at the end of the day—jot down your observations in a journal. At the end of the week, look back at your journal entries. How many different paths to Achilles Hell have you taken? By getting to know these paths inside and out, you can recognize them next week and self-correct.
  3. Practice. Take on new inner practices that elevate you to the healthier levels of your personality type (in the case of the Enneagram). For me, a Type Six, this includes what Martin Seligman calls universalizing the positive and particularizing the negative. When something positive happens, like 4,000 people listen to one of my podcast episodes, I have two options. Option A is to particularize the positive by telling myself, “I got lucky” or “That was an easy audience.” Option B is to universalize the positive by thinking to myself, “I’m a good interviewer.”  Universalizing the positive reinforces my sense of competence and confidence and therefore erodes negative thinking. A similar principle applies when something negative happens. Let’s say I trip on a flight of stairs, something I used to do a lot in high school and recently did at home (I’m fine). Option A is to universalize the negative by calling myself “clumsy.” Option B is to particularize the negative by thinking, “oops, slipped, no biggie.” Particularizing the negative reinforces my resilience and builds a sense of myself as a capable person.

As my podcast guest Sean LeClaire says, “You are not the water you swim in, only the water you drink.”

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Filed Under: Adult development, Complexity, Deliberate practice, Emotions, Engagement, Enneagram, Mindfulness, Strengths

Episode 82: If You Can’t Join Them, Beat Them [The Amiel Show]

by amiel · Sep 4, 2018

It’s September. In my part of the world, that means soccer.

Soccer was my first love in life. In fourth grade, the year I picked it up, I played for three hours after school every day.

In this brief episode, I tell a story from that year.  It’s a story of how a rag tag group of egocentric boys reacted to defeat, reframed the situation, and transformed themselves into a We.

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Give Me a Rating or Review on iTunes (It’s Also Easy!)

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Filed Under: Adult development, Engagement, Podcast

Episode 77: Presence-Based Leadership With Doug Silsbee, Part 2 [The Amiel Show]

by amiel · Mar 19, 2018

Doug Silsbee

This is part two of my interview with Doug Silsbee about his important new book: Presence-Based Leadership: Complexity Practices for Clarity, Resilience, and Results That Matter. Part one is here.

In this portion of the interview, Doug walks us through the core of his book: the nine window panes through which you can view leadership. It is a complex model and therefore eminently practical, because it matches the complexity in which we live.

It is also a serious and illuminating synthesis, one that invites all of us into a rich experience of what is right there before us.

Please take your time over the next sixty seconds to start listening—and then share with your peeps.

Highlights

  • 6:30 We are highly trained to look outside us, but not within us
  • 9:00 The meaning and limitation of legacy
  • 14:00 What identity am I unconsciously seeking to perpetuate
  • 20:00 Doug guides you to draw the nine panes (not while driving, of course!)
  • 24:00 A business example that brings it alive
  • 37:00 Regulating your inner state
  • 42:00 Embodying what matters to us

Listen to the Podcast

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Explore Additional Resources

  • Presence-Based Leadership: Complexity Practices for Clarity, Resilience, and Results That Matter by Doug Silsbee
  • Presence-Based Coaching, the company

New to Podcasts?

Get started here

Subscribe to the Show on iTunes (It’s Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without a Subscribe button (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on the Subscribe button. It’s in the upper left corner of the screen.

Give Me a Rating or Review on iTunes (It’s Also Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without “Ratings and Reviews” (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on “Ratings and Reviews”
  5. Give it a rating. Bonus for a review

 

Filed Under: Adult development, Complexity, Deliberate practice, Engagement, Mindfulness, Podcast, Self-experimentation

Episode 76: Presence-Based Leadership With Doug Silsbee, Part 1 [The Amiel Show]

Episode 76: Presence-Based Leadership With Doug Silsbee, Part 1 [The Amiel Show]

by amiel · Mar 12, 2018

Doug Silsbee

Doug Silsbee joins me this week to discuss his remarkable new book: Presence-Based Leadership: Complexity Practices for Clarity, Resilience, and Results That Matter.

The book, like Doug himself, is a grounding presence, a heart-felt invitation, and a wise synthesis. He meets you where you are—offering practical insights and clever experiments to try—and calls you to sink a bit deeper into the place from which your life-force arises.

I was honored to speak with Doug. Within the first few minutes of the interview, you will learn why.

This is the first of two interviews with Doug. The next will appear a week from today.

Please listen and share widely.

Highlights

  • 9:00 Art is creating what you don’t yet know
  • 21:30 Today’s practicalities and why we are here both matter
  • 29:00 It is audacious to be an offer in the world
  • 31:00 What shapes our identity
  • 36:00 In meetings, everyone lives in their own bell jar
  • 39:00 Three levels of scale: context, identity, and soma
  • 44:00 Three meta-competencies: sensing, being, and acting

Listen to the Podcast

http://traffic.libsyn.com/amielhandelsman/TAS_076_Doug_Silsbee.mp3

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

Explore Additional Resources

  • Presence-Based Leadership: Complexity Practices for Clarity, Resilience, and Results That Matter by Doug Silsbee
  • Presence-Based Coaching, the company

New to Podcasts?

Get started here

Subscribe to the Show on iTunes (It’s Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without a Subscribe button (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on the Subscribe button. It’s in the upper left corner of the screen.

Give Me a Rating or Review on iTunes (It’s Also Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without “Ratings and Reviews” (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on “Ratings and Reviews”
  5. Give it a rating. Bonus for a review

 

Filed Under: Adult development, Complexity, Deliberate practice, Engagement, Mindfulness, Podcast, Self-experimentation

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