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Episode 39: Elizabeth Doty On Making Only Promises You Can Keep [The Amiel Show]

Episode 39: Elizabeth Doty On Making Only Promises You Can Keep [The Amiel Show]

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Elizabeth Doty is on a mission to focus leaders on their most critical commitments. In Episode 39 of the podcast, this seasoned consultant, author, and frequent contributor to Strategy + Business joins me to ask:

  • What if we were to take our commitments to each other so seriously that we made only the ones we knew we could keep?
  • What if companies recognized that the reliability of their promises to customers and society was central to their success?
  • What if teams stopped waiting around for new leaders to define direction and instead said, “Here’s a proposal for the next three months. Can you support this?”

I think you’ll get great value from this invigorating, high impact conversation. Please share with your friends!

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Highlights

  • 5:00 “The company made me a liar.”
  • 7:20 When businesses drift from their promises
  • 13:30 Why scapegoating CEOs or “rogue employees” doesn’t improve outcomes
  • 16:30 Creating shared maps of different parts of the system
  • 18:00 The peril of new leaders ignoring existing commitments
  • 27:00 The measurable benefits of companies keeping commitments
  • 33:00 A “no harm” diamond company commits to a simple rule
  • 41:00 What teams can do during leadership changes instead of waiting for direction
  • 46:30 Why keeping your head down is risky
  • 48:00 The power of “irrational generosity” during downward spirals
  • 52:30 A hopeful story about promises, money, and career trajectories

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There is an art in crafting commitments and being clear what we’re committing to.

–Elizabeth Doty   Tweet this quote

A recipe for stalling: change your leaders often or put your strategy into question.

–Elizabeth Doty   Tweet this quote

Explore Additional Resources

Liberating structures, a concept introduced by Bill Torbert
Strategy maps—articles by Robert Kaplan and David Norton in Strategic Finance and HBR

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Episode 38: Dr. Keith Witt On Creating A Marital Love Affair [The Amiel Show]

Episode 38: Dr. Keith Witt On Creating A Marital Love Affair [The Amiel Show]

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For the past few years, I have identified a “personal hero of the year,” someone who has inspired me to be a wiser, more loving, and more courageous person. In 2015, my personal hero of the year was marriage expert Dr. Keith Witt.

Dr. Keith is an integral psychotherapist, author, big thinker, and “therapist in the wild.”

In this rich and entertaining interview, we talk about about creating marital love affairs, improving sex, and developing the skills of a self-regulating adult in relationship. Get ready for a very valuable hour!

Dr Keith Witt

Highlights

  • 5:00  How healthy marriages improve happiness, physical health, longevity, and children’s lives
  • 9:45 Why it’s not surprising that marriage becomes less passionate over time
  • 14:30 Why cheating on your spouse can seem to “appear out of nowhere”
  • 18:30 When commitment shifts to “I’ll do what it takes”
  • 20:00 Why some marriages get better after kids
  • 24:30 White knuckle monogamy
  • 29:00 Defensive states and the role of self-regulation skills
  • 37:30 The role of sex in mending relationships
  • 39:30 Getting in touch with you masculine and feminine core
  • 45:00 How your attachment style as an infant affects your adult relationships
  • 48:30 Using differentiation to improve sex
  • 50:00 Improving sex – different advice from five leading relationship experts
  • 56:00 Dr. Keith’s “two rules for guys” and “two rules for women”
  • 1:00:00 Makeup sex

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Couples are not taught about defensive states or how to self-regulate

–Dr. Keith Witt   Tweet this quote

 

The martial love affair requires conscious attention

–Dr. Keith Witt   Tweet this quote

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What’s on my head today

What’s on my head today

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And on a lighter note…

Have a lot on your mind? Then maybe it’s time to put something on your head.

Like this head cushion created by back pain expert Esther Gokhale.

It’s a handsome addition, don’t you think?

Today it accompanied me on the half-mile walk from our home to my office.

The cushion is a nifty little tool for improving upper body posture and strengthening the longus colli muscles.

I took this picture to capture this moment of jubilation. No falls (the cushion or me) onto the concrete!

Episode 37: Susanne Cook-Greuter On Leadership Maturity, Part 2 [The Amiel Show]

Episode 37: Susanne Cook-Greuter On Leadership Maturity, Part 2 [The Amiel Show]

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In Part 1 of my interview with Dr. Susanne Cook-Greuter, she gave an overview of the stages of adult development and what they mean for our capacity to handle life’s complexity.

This week, in Part 2, we explore how her model of Leadership Maturity reframes two everyday leadership challenges:

  • How do you approach your job or career?
  • What is it like to be in a pivotal or difficult conversation?

Susanne pic

Highlights

  • 6:00 How three conventional stages of adult development (Socialized Self, Specialist Self, and Independent Self) experience work and career
  • 20:30 Why people at the Relative stage often step outside of the rat race
  • 27:00 At the Interdependent stage, you make sense of historical patterns and construct integrated strategies
  • 31:00 Susanne and I disagree about membership criteria for the Denial of Death club
  • 32:30 How development stages approach pivotal conversations differently
  • 34:00 Why someone may interpret even the most skillful feedback as disapproval of him
  • 44:00 Helping leaders at the Independent stage see how they are not fully responsible when something goes awry
  • 45:30 At the Relative stage, you realize what you can gain by understanding others’ perspectives
  • 48:00 Why Millennials may seek out difference as part of conforming to the emerging culture’s norms
  • 50:00 When paradox becomes the norm–and then the main source of juice

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The depth and capacity of what a person can notice can expand throughout life.

–Susanne Cook-Greuter  Tweet this quote

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Episode 36: Susanne Cook-Greuter On Leadership Maturity, Part 1 [The Amiel Show]

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Often when things go haywire, we blame others or ourselves.

  • “If only I was smarter.”
  • “If only my boss gave me the right responsibilities.”
  • “If only I picked a better boss.”

Susanne pic

What if the source of our troubles wasn’t something wrong with us–or others–but the fact that we haven’t yet developed to our full potential?

When I first came across this concept 15 years ago, I felt a breath of fresh air. What an amazing idea that as adults, we haven’t yet reached the end of the line.

This is the theory of adult development. You can’t look far in this field without running across the name Susanne Cook-Greuter. She is one of the world’s leading researchers, consultants, and coaches in adult development. In fact, many of the world’s leading experts in this area consider her their mentor.

Recently, I had the privilege of spending two hours with Susanne talking about how and why adults develop and what this means for leadership and organizations. This week, join me in enjoying part 1 of that conversation.

Highlights

  • 5:30 What Piaget taught us about child development
  • 13:00 Vertical development becomes mainstream
  • 16:30 The three waves of development: preconventional, conventional, and postconventional. See the chart we discuss here.
  • 24:00 The three stages where 80% of adults in the West live
  • 31:30 The impact of a CEO’s level of development on her organization
  • 33:00 Susanne’s advice for parents of teenagers
  • 43:30 What all adult development models have in common
  • 52:00 How stage models different outside of western culture

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At each developmental stage, there are capacities that weren’t imaginable before

–Susanne Cook-Greuter  Tweet this quote

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Episode 35: Doc Parsley on How Sleep Makes Everything Better [The Amiel Show]

Episode 35: Doc Parsley on How Sleep Makes Everything Better [The Amiel Show]

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Sleep helps you perform better at everything.

Everything.

At work. At home. And all the places in between.

Now, what if you’re less interested in doing more than in being the best version of yourself?

Sleeps helps there, too.

This is the message of Doctor Kirk Parsley, known widely as Doc Parsley. He is a medical doctor, sleep and hormonal modulation expert, consultant to corporations and professional teams, and former Sleep Medicine expert for Navy Special Warfare.

One other distinction: Doc Parsley is physically strong. Who better to disabuse us of the notion that “sleep is for the weak” than a former Navy SEAL and competitive athlete?

Head Shot

Highlights

  • 5:00 What persuades people to pay attention to their sleep
  • 22:00 How our ancestors maximized slow wave sleep
  • 26:30 How REM sleep cements everything you learned that day
  • 33:30 How sleep can help you when starting a new leadership role
  • 39:30 Doc Parsley’s journey from competitive athlete to Navy SEAL to physician to sleep expert
  • 44:00 Navy SEALs with blood panels you’d expect in an out-of-shape 65-year-old man
  • 57:00 The great results you can get from one week of great sleep
  • 59:00 Sleep hygiene
  • 1:02:30 How catching up on sleep is like paying off credit card debt
  • 1:08:30 The ideal length of a nap
  • 1:12:30 Perimenopausal and menopausal women and their hormonal and sleep challenges

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The time you get better at everything is while you sleep

–Doc Parsley  Tweet this quote

If I gave you $1M to make sleep your #1 priority for a week, could you do it?

–Doc Parsley Tweet this quote

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In My Mailbox–January 28, 2016

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Hearing your thoughts, whether in the comments section or via email, makes my day. Here is a mix–some recent, some from a while back.

We used Practice Greatness today for the kick off session of year 2 of a leadership program – well received – good engagement. —Y.D.

Y.D., I’m thrilled to hear that you used the book and that it supported the important work you do in education.

Yeah!   you’re rockin it.  Great posts.  I sense a catching of your stride with social media and blogging. —M.D

M.D., thanks for reading and the kind comment!

You say on the podcast [Turn Toward Others, A Jedi Leadership Trick] at 6:00:

  • turning away increases conflict by producing hurt feelings and causes relationships to end relatively quickly….
  • turning against leads to conflict avoidance by suppressing feelings and causes relationships to end more slowly….

I would think that the exact opposite is true.  Try reversing the words “away” and “against” above.  Here it is:

  • turning against increases conflict by producing hurt feelings and causes relationships to end relatively quickly….
  • turning away leads to conflict avoidance by suppressing feelings and causes relationships to end more slowly….

That makes as much or more sense, right? Especially how turning away leads to conflict avoidance…–S.L.

S.L. thank you for persisting, because you totally nailed it. I did commit a reversal – and fortunately reversible – error.

Folks, keep the questions, comments, and corrections coming!