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Leadership development

Interview about my first book, Practice Greatness

Interview about my first book, Practice Greatness

by amiel · Jun 26, 2019

 

Five years ago, I published my first book, Practice Greatness: Escape Small Thinking, Listen Like A Master, And Lead With Your Best. Marissa Brassfield of Ridiculously Efficient (RE) interviewed me about it in writing. Our exchange provides a good summary of the book’s key ideas, which shape my work with clients. Many of you weren’t following me then, so I’m sharing the interview below. Enjoy!

Practicing Greatness = Realize Full Potential

RE: What steps can leaders take to realize their full potential?

The first and most important thing to realize is that you are not a generic leader, but instead a person with unique gifts and limitations in a situation with distinctive challenges and opportunities.  So don’t listen to generic leadership advice. This may sound obvious, but it’s a common trap many leaders fall into. And for good reason: in my estimation, 98 percent of the leadership advice out there is generic. For example, “act with boldness” is sound advice for some leaders but terrible advice for others. Ditto for “be generous with your time,” “collaborate more,” or “think before you act.” I’ve coached leaders who’ve been drawn to such advice only to find that it amplified a weakness or distracted them from more pivotal areas of improvement.

Second, expose yourself to a variety of challenging experiences and extract as much learning from these experiences as you can. It’s not about moving up the ladder or getting greater visibility as much as challenging yourself in new ways. For example, if you’ve done a turnaround, try a startup—or manage a team that has a track record of success. Each of these experiences teaches different lessons. If you’ve spent years managing people who report to you, try a role where you have to influence without authority. And then learn as much as you can as fast as you can. Ironically, we learn faster when we slow down to reflect and get feedback.

Third, get support from colleagues, mentors, or a coach. The greater the challenge you take on, the greater the support you need.

Fourth, realize that you have an Achilles Heel, find out what it is, and then heal it. I think of the Achilles Heel as the one big flaw or blind spot that, if ignored, can screw up your career or at least keep you from realizing your potential. It’s a set of habits wired into your brain and body that limits your repertoire of leadership behaviors. Fortunately, the latest neuroscience tells us that you can rewire these habits well into adulthood. My favorite approach to helping leaders understand their Achilles Heel (as well as much more, like the quality of their greatness) is called the Enneagram. It provides nine answers to the question, “What makes me tick?”

Fifth, identify one or two skills that are pivotal to realizing your potential. These could be strengths that you want to use in new ways or skills that you haven’t fully developed. In my book, I offer fifteen inner and outer practices of great leadership. I call them “practices” because the idea is to practice them over and over again just like you would practice swinging a bat or playing piano. Repetition matters.

Finally, find a reason for leading that ignites you. In my experience, one factor differentiates leaders who carry on the hard work of practicing leadership to completion from others who barely get out of the starting blocks: a sense of purpose beyond their own narrow self-interest. Getting a raise or promotion and making more money are great, but neither provides enough fuel to sustain the practice of great leadership. Now, discovering this purpose isn’t easy, and it often takes years if not decades. Here are some questions to ask: What do you want to be known for? What do you feel passionate about taking a stand on? What would you risk embarrassment or fear to bring into being? These are big questions, and for good reason. We’re not talking about getting slightly better. We’re talking about realizing your full potential!

The Four Steps In Deliberate Practice

RE: You mentioned that deliberate practice at work requires four steps — preparing, acting, reflecting, and getting feedback. What do each of these steps entail and how can leaders benefit from this type of practice?

Before I answer that question, let me state the obvious: practicing on the job is not a familiar concept for most of us. Unless we are professional athletes or musicians, practice is what we do when we’re not working. We practice playing tennis. We practice guitar. But practice our jobs? Hardly. When we’re working, we’re working, right? It’s just like that Tom Hanks line from the movie A League of Their Own: “There’s no crying in baseball!” That’s the basic assumption in organizations: there’s no practice in business!

Except that’s not quite true. In my field, leadership development, research tells us two things: first, excellent leaders learn best not through training or reading, but from on-the-job experience; and, second, the way that they learn is by having a chance to reflect on their experience and by getting continuous feedback from people who see them in action. In other words, they’re not just moving from one meeting or action to the next. Instead, they’re stopping, even for a moment, to look back. What’s another word for these things? Practice.

Let’s start with reflecting. This means quietly and non-judgmentally reviewing what just happened. “What went well? What could I do differently? What did I learn from this experience about myself, others, the market, and so on?” Reflecting is the deliberate act of capturing the lessons that your experience provides. All it requires is intention, somewhere to write or type, and a relatively quiet space. I encourage the leaders I coach to designate ten minutes every day to quietly reflect. It can be the most valuable ten minutes of their day.

Getting feedback also involves learning from what happened, but instead of asking yourself, you ask others. “Hey, Sally, I want to get some feedback from you about that meeting this morning with our sales team. How clearly did I communicate the rationale behind our strategy? What could I do next time to be clearer?” Boom—suddenly, you learn something you wouldn’t have if you hadn’t asked. This accelerates your learning and, over time, elevates your performance.

Now, notice that the feedback you requested was very specific. It wasn’t, “How did I do?” It focused on a specific behavior—clearly communicating the “why”—that you are trying to improve. Notice, also, that you didn’t wait a week to get feedback. You asked the same day, when the event was fresh in memory. Finally, consider the impact on Sally of asking for her feedback. She has gone from bystander to active participant in your leadership development. And odds are good that she appreciates being asked and now feels a greater stake in your success. So, in addition to helping you improve, getting feedback strengthens your relationships.

Acting is whatever you are doing—writing an email, attending a meeting, giving a talk, negotiating with a customer, mentoring a direct report. It’s what we typically think of as “work.” Acting is obviously essential to practicing on the job. However, unlike the other three steps, acting is what we do when we’re not practicing. In fact, most managers spend 99 percent of their time acting—and that’s it. They’re not practicing with the intent to improve. Their just doing. But what we’re talking about here is different: it’s acting that occurs in the midst of deliberate practice.

Finally, there is preparing. Chronologically, preparing is the first step in the on-the-job practice cycle. I mention it last because it seems to be the most rare in the organizations where I work and the least discussed in the leadership literature. It’s a bit of a dark horse—not well known, but very generous in its rewards. Now let’s talk about what preparing is. Whereas reflecting and getting feedback involve looking back, preparing involves looking forward. The day before an important conversation with your boss and peers, you ask yourself a few questions. “What do I want to get out of this meeting? What value can I contribute? How might I do that? What could get in the way? Who else will be there, and how can I communicate effectively with them?”

Such preparation provides multiple benefits. First, it gets you focused on what you want to accomplish. Rather than just going with the flow, you show up with outcomes in mind. Second, it allows you to strategize about how to accomplish these outcomes. You develop a game plan. Third, it invites you to consider what obstacles may get in the way—and how you will handle them. Finally, it wakes you up. Rather than just drifting through the day, you become an active participant in what happens. The more times you stop for a moment to prepare, the more awake you become.

Great Leadership = Arguing Well

RE: You also mention that great leadership requires the ability to argue. What would a successful argument look like from a leader’s point of view?

A successful argument involves four things. First, instead of debating who’s correct, you realize that everyone has a different assessment or take on the situation. This is because most things we argue about are not facts but different interpretations of what the facts mean. It’s just like temperature. Saying that it’s 75 degrees outside is a factual assertion. It’s either true or false. But saying that it’s warm is an assessment. There is no way to prove it. A lot of the arguments we have in organizations is about whether it’s warm outside. Except we think that this is a matter of facts, when really it’s a matter of different assessments.

Second, when you give your take on a situation, you describe it as “my take” or “my assessment.” This signals to others that you are not placing a claim on the truth, but merely giving your perspective. This leaves space for them to have their own take.

Third, you ground your assessment. “Here are the reasons why I assess this acquisition to be in our best interest.” Or “Let me tell you why I don’t think he would be a good hire for this position.” Grounding assessments is a powerful way of communicating. It also allows others to learn what’s behind your thinking. It’s a way of letting them into how you see the world. Conversely, ungrounded assessments are often worse than saying nothing at all. Other than the letters, “ASAP,” they are the most pernicious source of mediocrity and suffering.

Finally, a successful argument involves gently inviting others to ground their assessments so that you can see what’s behind their thinking. Sometimes, it has the added benefit of causing them to do more thinking! The key word here is “gentle.” This is not about interrogating others. It’s about saying, “Hey, I hear that your take is X. I imagine you’ve thought a lot about this. Can you help me understand what’s behind that assessment?”

Put these four pieces together and you have a successful argument.

Great Leadership = Practice And Self-Reflection

RE: How do other employees benefit when leaders spend more time practicing and less time on self-reflection?

I’m for more of both. Practicing and self-reflection are both enormously for beneficial to leaders and the employees they serve. Reflecting is one of the four steps of the on-the-job practice cycle. So if you’re practicing on the job, you are automatically reflecting.

More Tips On Practicing Greatness

RE: What other tips can you provide to leaders to foster a productive and engaging work environment?

First, make sure you are showing up to work every day with physical energy and the ability to focus. Get 7-8 hours of sleep a night. Take breaks at least once every ninety minutes. Move your body. Eat in a way that you have sustained energy throughout the day instead of energy spikes and crashes. Hint: proteins, healthy fats, and vegetables will sustain your energy far better than soft drinks, sugary foods, and fast carbs (muffins, breads, and other foods that create blood sugar spikes and crashes).

Second, learn what triggers you emotionally and take on practices that allow you to respond calmly. A couple years ago, at a conference the CTO of Cisco was asked what benefits she got from meditating. She said that it helped her stay calm in very tense situations. Mindfulness isn’t the only practice for managing triggers, but it’s a darn effective one.

Third, look at Gallup’s research about employee engagement—it’s amazingly useful.

Finally, if you’re not great at developing people, hire or partner with someone who is. Ultimately, we are as good as the people we surrounded ourselves with.

 

Filed Under: Deliberate practice, Emotions, Engagement, Leadership development, Learning from experience, Nutrition, Physical energy, Relationships, Sleep

Episode 91: Agile Leadership With Jonathan Reams

Episode 91: Agile Leadership With Jonathan Reams

by amiel · Jan 8, 2019

Agile Leadership.

The word “agility” has many meanings. As kids, we prided ourselves on being physically agile at sports–or disappointed by our lack of agility. In software, agile is a methodology and set of principles for producing products and engaging teams. What about in leadership?

This week’s guest, Jonathan Reams, joins me to explore agile leadership.

Over 15 years ago, Jonathan and I met when matched together to organize “integral gatherings” in San Francisco involving several hundred people. He soon moved east to Norway, and I moved north to Portland. His move was much farther!

Jonathan once drove a dump truck. Now he teaches at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology, edits the online journal, Integral Review (which I’ve read for years), and is co-founder of the European Center for Leadership Practice. I’m not sure whether his first career or his current one require more agility, but clearly the forms of agility are very different.

What is agile leadership? How can we use Ken Wilber’s four quadrants, developmental stages, and the Goldilocks Zone to understand it? How is elegantly simple different from simplistic? What happens when great cognitive agility causes harm?

Please share with friends and let me know what you think.

Highlights

As the saying goes, “this space intentionally left blank.”

This week. As an experiment.

Do you wish this included time-stamped topics? Then shoot me an email at amiel@amielhandelsman.com and tell me why. I love feedback!

Listen to the Podcast

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Explore Additional Resources

  • Jonathan’s online space–writings, videos, consulting, etc.
  • Chris Argyris’s Ladder of Inference
  • Arbinger Institute, publisher of Leadership and Self-Deception

 

Filed Under: Adult development, Complexity, Deliberate practice, Leadership development, Marriage, Podcast

Episode 75: Stomping the Blues, Reimagining American Identity with Greg Thomas [The Amiel Show]

by amiel · Feb 26, 2018

Fasten your seatbelts. This week, we’re going on a rollicking, rhythmic, high-minded, and heartfelt ride through the core of the American experience.

Greg Thomas, our guide through the True but Partial Challenge on race and, more recently The Jazz Leadership Project with Jewel Kinch-Thomas, joins me again to steer us through this week’s journey.

Or should I say: journeys?

That’s how much territory we cover. Greg even coaxes me to steer out of my “interviewer lane” and riff on my own experience stomping the blues.

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The focus of our conversation is Albert Murray, the great 20th century American writer and close colleague of Ralph Ellison.

Haven’t heard of him? Neither had I until a few months ago.

But since when did lack of fame mean anything about a person’s wisdom?

Like me, you will learn to take Albert Murray seriously. Pulitzer Prize winning novelist Toni Morrison does. She wrote, “Murray’s perceptions are firmly based in the blues idiom, and it is black music no less than literary criticism and historical analysis that gives his work its authenticity, its emotional vigor, and its tenacious hold on the intellect.”

Like me, you will get mesmerized by the ideas in Murray’s first book, The Omni-Americans. Harvard’s Henry Louis Gates wrote in his New Yorker profile of Murray (“The King of Cats”) that the book was “so pissed-off, jaw-jutting, and unapologetic that it demanded to be taken seriously.”

Highlights

  • 6:00 Albert Murray’s influence on American culture and art
  • 13:30 American identity synthesizes multiple roots
  • 20:00 Murray’s devastating critique of “ghettoologists” and “safari technicians”
  • 35:00 Decoding ancient fairy tales and applying them to life today
  • 39:00 The blues idiom as life compass
  • 43:00 The hero’s journey in American cultures, e.g. Harriet Tubman
  • 46:00 Hero’s journey is an alternative orientation from Ta-Nehisi Coates and James Baldwin
  • 55:30 We fear difference and are attracted to it. Can we integrate this into ourselves?
  • 59:00 The Jazz Leadership Project
  • 1:10:00 Apprentice, journeyman, and master

 

Explore Additional Resources

  • The Jazz Leadership Project, Greg Thomas and Jewel Kinch-Thomas’s business
  • The Omni-Americans: Black Experience And American Culture by Albert Murray
  • Albert Murray: Collected Essays And Memoirs
  • “King of Cats,” Henry Louis Gates Jr’s long profile of Murray in The New Yorker
  • “Art And Propaganda,” Interview with Murray by Henry Louis Gates, Jr. and Robert G. O’Meally in The Paris Review
  • “Art Is About Elegant Form,” Interview with Murray by Wynton Marsalis
  • Brian’s Lamb’s C-SPAN interview with Murray
  • “The 6 Moods Leaders Create,” my podcast interview with Alan Sieler

New to Podcasts?

Get started here

Subscribe to the Show on iTunes (It’s Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without a Subscribe button (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on the Subscribe button. It’s in the upper left corner of the screen.

Give Me a Rating or Review on iTunes (It’s Also Easy!)

  1. Sign into iTunes using your ID and password
  2. Search the iTunes store for “Amiel Show”
  3. If you get a screen without “Ratings and Reviews” (a screen that looks like this), click on the show logo in the lower left corner
  4. Click on “Ratings and Reviews”
  5. Give it a rating. Bonus for a review

 

Filed Under: Adult development, Complexity, Emotions, Engagement, Leadership development, Podcast, Race and culture, Relationships

The Year Ahead [New Post]

The Year Ahead [New Post]

by amiel · Dec 28, 2017

Thank you all for listening to my podcast, reading my posts, and sending kudos, queries, and quirky questions. As we close out 2017 and step into 2018, I want to share a few words about what you can expect from staying in conversation with me.

  • Growing as a leader and human being in organizations. This remains the primary focus of my podcast, blog, and client work. What can we learn about this process from different teachers, studies, experts, traditions, and organizations?
  • In-depth interviews. I’m committed to providing high-quality, in-depth interviews that make you think. I pick guests whose work I admire and ask them to dive deeply. These folks have a lot to say, so I give them the spotlight and challenge them to stretch their own thinking an extra inch.
  • Accomplishing work together by managing promises. My clients are reporting a great deal of benefit from an approach to collaborative work that I call “managing promises.” I’m using it with teams and individuals to produce better results with fewer headaches. (If you’d like to talk about using this with your team, send me a note). You may recognize this theme from past interviews with Elizabeth Doty about making only promises you can keep, Bob Dunham on listening for commitment and executives’ new promises, and Chris Chittenden on real accountability. Why do so many handoffs between people go awry? Why is it frustrating when people don’t give you what you ask for and yet so challenging to talk with them about this in a way that improves future results? What happens when you make more powerful offers in your organization, and what specific steps are needed to do this? How can you raise the performance of your entire team by learning the real anatomy of action? I’ve taken many of these ideas (originally from Fernando Flores’s “conversation for action”) and fleshed them out into a comprehensive model called the “promise cycle”. I’ve written a short yet fairly technical playbook about this called Reliable Results. In the coming year, I’ll be doing more interviews and Jedi Leadership Tricks on this topic, posting more diagrams like Fuzzy Promises, Fuzzy Mittens, and continuing to share it with teams. I think there is great potential to do for managing promises with others what David Allen has done with managing agreements with yourself.
  • The American experience with race—a new series. Most conversation about race in the United States is simplistic, polemical, and poorly grounded in history. We are arguing past each other rather than listening to each other, focusing only on the latest outrages, and not sufficiently integrating different perspectives. To me, it’s a huge leadership topic, something that can inform how we understand ourselves and the people we work with even when the topic at hand is not about race. That’s because to talk with wisdom about race is to talk about what it means to be human beings in all our beautiful complexity. I’ll be asking podcast guests to explore this topic with me in an integral way. We’ll delve into individual beliefs and behaviors, culture, and societal structures.
  • Synthesizing key concepts. Several listeners have recently challenged me to share my own understanding on the many ideas I explore with guests. To synthesize and illuminate what I’ve been learning. Expect to see at least a couple forays in this direction in the coming year.

Once again, thank you for walking with me on this journey. Anything in this note strike you as particularly important? Have any other suggestions for me. I welcome your emails!

 

Filed Under: Accountability, Adult development, Complexity, Emotions, Leadership development, Promises, Relationships

Fuzzy Promises, Fuzzy Mittens

Fuzzy Promises, Fuzzy Mittens

by amiel · Sep 13, 2017

Mitten weather is a few months away in Oregon. Promises, on the other hand, are year-round.

In rain, shine, and snow, clear promises improve trust and results.

And fuzzy promises?

Example 1

“Can you meet the rest of the team outside the lab tomorrow at noon?”

“I’ll try.”

Example 2

“I really need that report by October 1. Can you do it?”

“Maybe.”

Example 3

“If I go out on a limb this afternoon, would you be willing to back me up?”

“Sure” [in a soft and uncertain voice]

The Basic Equation

Request + Acceptance = Promise

The Fuzzy Promise Equation

Request + Ambiguous Response = Fuzzy Promise + Confusion + Resentment

 

Filed Under: Leadership development, Promises

That time he didn’t cancel his request [New Post]

That time he didn’t cancel his request [New Post]

by amiel · Sep 7, 2017

When historians look back at my son’s outburst after I wiped his nose with a Kleenex (described last week), they will highlight his rage and my awkward response. A classic case of resenting unwanted help.

But what if things had turned out differently? What if I had found a way to put the mucus back in his nose—and keep it there? (You managerial experts know why: first attract, then retain). And what if, during the time I was prototyping this innovation, my son had changed his mind yet not informed me?

“Daddy, I don’t want the mucus in my nose!”

History books would have recorded this incident differently. Chapter 7: An Uncanceled Request Starts a War. In this rendering, my son would be the villain, and I would be the furious one.

Sound familiar? It’s the most frustrating thing. You get something done for another person. You take care to deliver “to spec.” Then, when you give it to them, they say, “Thanks, but I didn’t need that after all.”

People give this different names: “He’s jerking me around.” “She’s doesn’t care.” “I don’t trust him.” “She is oblivious.”

Or simply WTF!

These responses are understandable yet unproductive.

Ascribing motivation to the other person in this situation has two flaws:

  1. You don’t know their intent, only what they did.
  2. It’s not actionable. What are you going to do, say to them “Stop jerking me around?” How’s that going to turn out?

I prefer to call their behavior failing to cancel a request. It’s both more accurate and more actionable.

Here’s what I mean by canceling a request: They ask you to do something, then change their mind. The responsible thing for them to do is immediately reach out to you and say, “You know that thing I asked you to do? I just learned that I don’t need it any more. I’m canceling my request.” They can apologize, add a bunch of niceties, and so on, but the key is to say “request cancelled!”

Benefits

Canceling a request has three benefits:

  1. You can redirect your energies to other commitments.
  2. You know they respect your time so you feel better—maybe not happy, but also not resentful.
  3. They don’t have to avoid you in the hallway.

The same holds true if you are the one canceling the request.

Upshot

  1. If people fail to cancel a request to you, don’t call them names. Ask them to cancel their requests in the future.
  2. If you do this to others, stop. Instead, as soon as you know you don’t need something, let them know.

Filed Under: Leadership development, Promises, Relationships

Why people resent your help [new post]

Why people resent your help [new post]

by amiel · Aug 30, 2017

Helping others succeed in their jobs requires more than generosity. You need to understand what matters to them. For example, have you ever started counseling a direct report about his career and then noticed that he wanted to bolt the room? Or given a peer resources for her big project, then found yourself on the receiving end of a stiff arm?

That’s not fun. Surely, there is better way to give people the help they actually want. What is it?

The Case of the Runny Nose

I got a clue to this mystery a few months ago with my then four-year-old son. His nose was running, but he wasn’t doing anything about it. Like a good parent, I grabbed a Kleenex and gently wiped his nose. Easy peasy, right?

Not according to my son.

“Daddy, I want my mucus back.”

Ugh.

“It’s in the tissue.” I opened it up to show him.

“No, Daddy. I want my mucus back in my nose!”

That’s a new one, I thought. How do you get mucus back in the nose? I starting racking my brain for possible methods.

“Daddy you are stupid!”

Could you simmer down? I’m trying to figure out a way to defeat gravity and reverse your body’s natural physiological processes?

“Daddy why are you so stupid?

“Look, Z, I know you’re upset. Give me a minute.” Doesn’t he know that I’m working hard on his original request? I don’t have time for new questions. Plus, I haven’t yet figured out why I am so stupid.

“Daddy why are you a butt face?”

“Z, you know that in our family that’s not how we talk about people.” This isn’t going well. And I’ve lost my train of thought.

“Daddy I don’t like you.”

No good deed goes unpunished. 

I grabbed the Kleenex, marched into the kitchen, and threw it into the trash can.

Surely there is a better way to give people the help they want.

My mistake in this situation (one of many) was to wipe my son’s nose without first asking him. I acted physically without first making an offer. My son had no opportunity to signal whether or not he wanted my help. Because I didn’t make an offer, he had no freedom to accept my offer, decline it, or make a counteroffer (“Hand me the tissue. I’ll wipe it myself”). He experienced me as acting on him unilaterally rather than with him in a spirit of mutuality.

Lessons

I was reminded of five principles of helping people through offers.
  1. People like to choose whether or not to receive help.
  2. Making an offer gives them an opportunity to choose.
  3. To make an offer powerful, ground it in what matters to them—something they actually want or care about.
  4. There is no promise without an acceptance. Offer + Acceptance = Promise
  5. The other person has four legitimate ways to respond to your offer: accept, decline, counteroffer (a different What and/or When), and promise to reply later.

So the next time you are tempted to counsel someone about their career—or wipe their nose—ask yourself: what is a powerful offer I could make right now, and do I think they will be open to it?

Filed Under: Careers, Conflict, Engagement, Leadership development, Parenting, Promises

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