![Guaranteed Miscoordination of Action [Drawing]](https://amielhandelsman.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/Guaranteed-Miscoordination.png)
This is the second in a series of drawings that illustrate key principles from my podcast and writings.
In this case, “miscoordination” is a shorter way of saying “everything gets screwed up.” Which, sometimes, it does. Now, wouldn’t it be nice if you could make this happen less often—if things could consistently go smoothly?
What else do you want to know about this topic?
![Episode 84: Kavanaugh/Ford From Seven Angles [The Amiel Show]](https://amielhandelsman.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/tas_itunes.jpg)
This week I look at the Kavanaugh/Ford hearings and the conversations about it from seven different perspectives. You will quickly discover how deeply immersed (OK, obsessed) I’ve been the past couple of weeks, how closely I’ve followed both the minute facts and the larger political and cultural story, and, at times, how emotionally involved I’ve become. Here, we fly the Amiel Show airplane up to 30,000 feet and observe—sometimes calmly and sometimes with great passion—the events of the past two weeks, what they mean, and how we can grow ourselves through this complex and challenging experience.
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I’ve finally done it.
I’ve recorded an interview that should not be played in the workplace.
It’s perfect for the car ride home or a weekend getaway with your partner.
But do not listen to this with your coworkers over lunch or in a leadership team retreat.
This episode is about sex, specifically in the context of a committed long-term relationship.
More specifically, it’s about sexual polarity between partners: what it is, why it matters, why so often it’s missing, and what you can do to restore or sustain it in your relationship.
Our guide is integral psychotherapist Keith Witt, author of the brand new book Loving Completely: A Five Star Practice For Creating Great Relationships. Keith joined me twice before to discuss the marital love affair and men’s sexual shadow at work.
In those earlier interviews, we discussed sex, but just a bit. And if there’s one thing you and I know about sex, a bit just isn’t enough.
So this time we give it our full attention—with candor, sensitivity, and humor.
If you’ve heard Keith discuss Loving Completely elsewhere, you’ll want to listen to this in its entirely. In no other interview does he discuss sexual polarity in as much depth. This Keith has assured me.
I thank you for listening and hope you enjoy the conversation.
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It’s September. In my part of the world, that means soccer.
Soccer was my first love in life. In fourth grade, the year I picked it up, I played for three hours after school every day.
In this brief episode, I tell a story from that year. It’s a story of how a rag tag group of egocentric boys reacted to defeat, reframed the situation, and transformed themselves into a We.
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![Episode 81: How Couples Grow Together Into “First Love” With Tom Habib [The Amiel Show]](https://amielhandelsman.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Habib.Thomas-2018-Head-Shot-1.jpg)
This episode is for people in relatively healthy relationships who are wondering: what else is possible for us?
Couples go through stages of growth. Over the past several decades, a new stage has broadly emerged that was barely visible before. Its features include:
Sounds pretty good, huh?
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It is. If your relationship looks like this, it means you’ve grown more as a couple than most couples alive today and 99.99% of couples in human history.
Millions of people are buying books and attending workshops to achieve what you experience.
This week’s guest, Tom Habib, calls this the “Relational Stage.”
It’s quite healthy.
However, once you’ve spent substantial time here, you realize that some important stuff is missing:
This is an amazing opportunity: to grow, as a couple, into the next stage of relationship, which Dr. Habib calls “First Love.” It is the first time you are both present with each other to actually love the other person in their entirety. Rather than being distracted by the mirage of an ideal partner, you feel gratitude for the person you are with today.
In our conversation, Dr. Habib briefly walks through the five stages in his integral Couples Line of Development. Then we focus like a laser beam on the transition from the Relational stage to First Love.
Are you up for the challenge?
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![Episode 80: White Nationalism And Male Identity with Elizabeth Debold [The Amiel Show]](https://amielhandelsman.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/Dr-Elizabeth-Debold1-226x300.jpg)
A year ago Sunday, white nationalists marched on Charlottesville, Virginia carrying torches and chanting “blood and soil” and “Jews will not replace us.” It was not a pretty sight. Most people I know found it abhorrent. The author Ta-Nehisi Coates did, too, but he wasn’t surprised. In an earlier episode Diane Woods explained why.
The media, for the most part, has highlighted the ethnocentric dimensions of this tale: racial grievance, hatred, and the specious theories underlying them.
Yet an important element has remained beneath the surface: gender. White nationalism is also a story of a certain group of men coming to terms with a world they find unfamiliar and threatening, one where women have economic power, men have lost their traditional identities, and the worlds of work, dating, and marriage have turned upside down. Many of us would call these advances of modernity and postmodernity. White nationalists see them as epic disasters.
This week, Elizabeth Debold, a developmental psychologist and gender futurist, explains why.
It’s a story of some human minds growing into greater degrees of complexity and others’ growth halting at age 12. It’s a story of wage labor, two-income households, and the demands of being a “super mom” and, increasingly, a “super dad.” It’s also a story of men confused about what is expected of them and frustrated that society often criticizes them for doing their “jobs” of working long hours and bringing home the bacon.
Debold also reframes the debate about so-called “social justice warriors” on college campuses. Everyone from Fox News to white nationalists to Jordan Peterson cite this group as the epitome of postmodern excess. Debold says: not so fast. The ideas may be postmodern, but the minds unpacking them are operating from a much earlier stage of development.
We live in a complex age, and it takes wisdom and a multi perspectival approach to even begin to understand it. Debold brings both and more.
In some ways, this interview represents a bridge in this podcast. As my interest turns toward global challenges and the health of our politics, Debold helps connect these concerns with my longstanding series on women in leadership, the newly launched series on the American experience of race, and the ever-present influence of constructivist developmental theory.
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Introducing… the first integral mashup on managing promises.
I’ve pulled short audio clips from five past interviews and added my own commentary—all on the topic of how we get things done in life through conversation.
This is my favorite topic in leadership development, particularly when meshed with other valuable frames, like the idea that we are all in over our heads in complexity, so why not grow a little bit?
Joining us on this journey are Bob Dunham, Lisa Marshall, Chris Chittenden, Elizabeth Doty, and Susanne Cook-Greuter.
All together in one place for the first time…sort of!
This episode is an experiment. It was both fun and challenging to unpack different guests’ ideas and then place them in a slightly larger context. This stretched my brain!
I’d love your help. Please shoot me a 1-2 line email and let me know what you think.
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