Adult development

Episode 73: Five Pivotal Thinkers On Race With Greg Thomas [The Amiel Show]

by amiel · Jan 17, 2018

This week, writer and public speaker Greg Thomas, CEO of the Jazz Leadership Project, helps me launch a new podcast series on the American experience of race.

Greg provides a refreshing and nuanced take on a complex topic. Listen to him, and you will find that race is not just a political issue or a moral quandary. It also provides a rich opportunity to grow as a leader and live life fully. Whether you consider yourself white, black, Asian, Indian, Middle Eastern, or just plain Human, dive in with Greg, and you will come out a bit wiser and a lot more curious. Race is not what you think it is.

I met Greg through our shared interest in integral approaches to leadership, culture, and politics. When approaching topics with our “integral” fedoras on, we bring a mix of curiosity and critique. Rather than pick sides, we like to ask, “How is each perspective true, yet also partial? What wisdom does it offer, but also what are its blinders?”

In this conversation, we apply the integral lens to race in America. I call it the True But Partial Game. We explore five leading American thinkers on race. For each, I ask Greg to describe the both the wisdom they offer, and the perspectives that, if meshed with their own, would create a more accurate and pragmatic path forward.

What if we acknowledged both the systemic forces that constrain and the personal gifts and virtues that liberate?

Highlights

1:00 Why a series on race in America?
7:30 Interview begins
15:30 Integral view of race and culture
22:00 “So-called black people” and “so-called white people”
26:30 Whiteness harms white folks
31:30 Ta-Nehisi Coates—brilliant, bleak, and still growing?
41:30 Kimberle Crenshaw, “intersectionality,” and victimhood
46:00 Oppression is not a death sentence
50:00 bell hooks—love and the beloved community
1:01:00 John McWhorter—linguist and refreshing independent thinker
1:06:00 Cornel West—brilliant, influential, and stuck in critique

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Episode 72: Friendship After #MeToo With Hilary Bradbury & Bill Torbert [The Amiel Show]

by amiel · Jan 10, 2018

Is workplace friendship between women and men possible in a time of #MeToo? If so, what might it look like, and how can both women and men show up differently?

In our important societal discussion about sexual harassment and power, these questions aren’t exactly on the tips of people’s tongues.

Yet they are vitally important to the health of organizations and the quality of our lives. If men avoid women out of self-protective fear, who does that benefit? If men respond instead with new ways of silencing women’s voices, that moves us backwards.

Many women are angry. Many men are befuddled and/or defensive. Where we can meet each other for the good of all?

Credit Hilary Bradbury for these questions. I asked to interview her about sexual harassment, power, and adult development. She made a counteroffer—actually, two:

Let’s talk about friendship
Let’s include men in the conversation

Isn’t it great when people come up with better ideas than the one you started with?

This week, Hilary and Bill Torbert join me for an enlivening and provocative conversation that builds to a level of intimacy that I found heart-warming. Hilary previously spoke with me about power in relationships between women and men, and Bill about framing conversations for powerful results.

We talk at the cultural and societal level. We also talk about how their own friendship has evolved over decades, the subject of their recent book, Eros/Power: Love In The Spirit of Inquiry.

Tune in, share with your peeps, and let me know what you think.

Highlights

15:00 Women’s rage
27:00 From unilateral power to mutual power
36:00 When two people become attracted at work
40:30 We cannot rely on police-like rules
43:00 The “whitest white woman” on the receiving end of rage
52:00 What to do with the urge to discharge?
57:00 When Bill shouts out in pain

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The Year Ahead [New Post]

by amiel · Dec 28, 2017

Thank you all for listening to my podcast, reading my posts, and sending kudos, queries, and quirky questions. As we close out 2017 and step into 2018, I want to share a few words about what you can expect from staying in conversation with me.

Growing as a leader and human being in organizations. This remains the primary focus of my podcast, blog, and client work. What can we learn about this process from different teachers, studies, experts, traditions, and organizations?
In-depth interviews. I’m committed to providing high-quality, in-depth interviews that make you think. I pick guests whose work I admire and ask them to dive deeply. These folks have a lot to say, so I give them the spotlight and challenge them to stretch their own thinking an extra inch.
Accomplishing work together by managing promises. My clients are reporting a great deal of benefit from an approach to collaborative work that I call “managing promises.” I’m using it with teams and individuals to produce better results with fewer headaches. (If you’d like to talk about using this with your team, send me a note). You may recognize this theme from past interviews with Elizabeth Doty about making only promises you can keep, Bob Dunham on listening for commitment and executives’ new promises, and Chris Chittenden on real accountability. Why do so many handoffs between people go awry? Why is it frustrating when people don’t give you what you ask for and yet so challenging to talk with them about this in a way that improves future results? What happens when you make more powerful offers in your organization, and what specific steps are needed to do this? How can you raise the performance of your entire team by learning the real anatomy of action? I’ve taken many of these ideas (originally from Fernando Flores’s “conversation for action”) and fleshed them out into a comprehensive model called the “promise cycle”. I’ve written a short yet fairly technical playbook about this called Reliable Results. In the coming year, I’ll be doing more interviews and Jedi Leadership Tricks on this topic, posting more diagrams like Fuzzy Promises, Fuzzy Mittens, and continuing to share it with teams. I think there is great potential to do for managing promises with others what David Allen has done with managing agreements with yourself.
The American experience with race—a new series. Most conversation about race in the United States is simplistic, polemical, and poorly grounded in history. We are arguing past each other rather than listening to each other, focusing only on the latest outrages, and not sufficiently integrating different perspectives. To me, it’s a huge leadership topic, something that can inform how we understand ourselves and the people we work with even when the topic at hand is not about race. That’s because to talk with wisdom about race is to talk about what it means to be human beings in all our beautiful complexity. I’ll be asking podcast guests to explore this topic with me in an integral way. We’ll delve into individual beliefs and behaviors, culture, and societal structures.
Synthesizing key concepts. Several listeners have recently challenged me to share my own understanding on the many ideas I explore with guests. To synthesize and illuminate what I’ve been learning. Expect to see at least a couple forays in this direction in the coming year.

Once again, thank you for walking with me on this journey. Anything in this note strike you as particularly important? Have any other suggestions for me. I welcome your emails!

Episode 70: Later Stages Of Leadership Maturity With Susanne Cook-Greuter [The Amiel Show]

by amiel · Dec 3, 2017

This week on the podcast, I welcome back adult development expert, Susanne Cook-Greuter, to discuss the most advanced stages of leadership maturity. Each of these stages is both increasingly complex—bringing new capacities and new challenges—and increasingly rare. We discuss:

Self-actualizing or Strategist stage
Construct-aware/Ego-aware or Alchemist stage
Unitive or Ironist stage

Susanne and I previously spoke in episode 36 about the how vertical development works and what’s common between all developmental models.

In episode 37 we explored how developmental theory helps us reframe two everyday challenges: work/career and pivotal conversations.

In both episodes, we focused on the development stages where 80 percent of adults in the West live. But what about the stages beyond that? What is it like to live there?

That is the focus of this episode.

Our conversation was a genuine “wow.” My mind got a vigorous calisthenic workout, and we teamed up to investigate common confusions about these later stages.

Have a seat, go for a walk, get on a plane, and take a listen. This is one you’ll want to share with friends!

Highlights

8:50 Self-Actualizing/Strategist stage (5-6% of adults in West)
19:00 Capacity to take a stand on ideals
26:00 When growth first really matters to us
30:30 Tempted to take an early retirement package from development?
35:00 “Look how much I know about myself!”
36:00 Construct Aware/Ego Aware/Alchemist stage (<1% of adults in West)
41:00 “Am I nuts?”
44:00 The limits of mapmaking and trying to get beyond the ego
47:00 Unitive or Ironist stage
51:30 Experiencing the wonder of things—consistently
1:00:00 The virtues of hanging out at—and acting from—Self-Actualizing/Strategist

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President’s DJT’s Enneagram Type, my free new eBook

by amiel · May 1, 2017

I’m pleased to announce the release of my new eBook, DJT’s Enneagram Type: The Case for Three. It’s shorter than most eBooks yet one of the most comprehensive explorations ever of a President’s personality type.

For fans of the Enneagram, you’ll find it fascinating. If this sounds like you, please forward this to Enneagram friends.
For people interested in adult development, join me as I take a stab at integrating vertical developmental stages with the horizontal typology of the Enneagram.
For people following U.S. politics, the book offers a break from the “He’s great”/”He’s terrible” debate. I use the Enneagram to understand the President–in particular, what makes him tick.

My own view of DJT’s Enneagram type has changed dramatically. I walk you through this evolution of my thinking and offer a point-by-point response to the argument of a highly respected Enneagram teacher and friend, Bea Chestnut.

The book is free for subscribers. Click here, provide your email address, and you’ll get the download. When you see the words “Thank you for Signing Up”, rest assured: you’re already on the list.

Know anyone who would be interested in this? Please forward this email to them now. They’ll thank you for it!

Again, click here to get your free copy.

Episode 66: Men’s Sexual Shadow At Work With Keith Witt [The Amiel Show]

by amiel · Apr 4, 2017

Men who are conscious of their sexual shadows at work are better leaders. They are less likely to do stupid things like sexually harass women or have illicit affairs. By spending less energy fighting their shadows, they can use their human superpowers to do good things like build great teams and guide them toward a better future.

People don’t talk a lot about this. Not in day to day work. And not even in classes about diversity and inclusion—or women in leadership.

That’s why I was so excited to talk with this week’s guest, Keith Witt, about his new book Shadow Light: Illuminations At the Edge Of Darkness.

His book and our conversation are about everyone (not just men) and all types of shadow (not just the sexual one). Still, the part I found most valuable was about straight guys who still haven’t gotten over their teenage crush on Suzie next door. Yes, we actually riff on this for 15 minutes!

Keith and I previously spoke about creating a marital love affair. You might say that this time we talk about loving your shadow.

For integral folks, we also talk about your personal moral system. How does this system change as we grow? What happens to our bodies when we violate it?

As if that weren’t enough, we also look at how healthy and unhealthy nationalism differ. Hint: it has to do with the collective shadow!

Highlights

The shame of violating your moral system
Constructive versus destructive shadow
Human superpowers
The roots of sexual harassment
Evaluating potential employees for their willingness to be influenced
Healthy and unhealthy nationalism

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Episode 64: Overcoming Immunity To Change With Deborah Helsing [The Amiel Show]

by amiel · Mar 14, 2017

This week on the podcast, I welcome back Deborah Helsing to discuss Immunity to Change: what it is, why it matters for leaders and organizations, and how to overcome it.

Deb teaches at Harvard and heads up Coach Learning Programs for Minds at Work, the company created by Bob Kegan and Lisa Lahey, who coauthored Immunity to Change.

Deb and I previously spoke about deliberately developmental organizations.

This time, we met at her office in Cambridge, to explore why every time we try to change, we look down and discover our foot is on the brakes. Yikes! And, more importantly, how to use our understanding of this messy situation to our advantage!

Highlights

12:00 Seeing the brilliant way your psychological immune system operates
18:00 Hidden or competing commitments, the brakes on change
22:30 Feeling the pit of your stomach is a very good sign
35:00 Some people felt tricked by flipping complaints into commitments
40:00 Designing safe experiments to test your untested assumption
46:30 Which developmental stages benefit from this approach?
49:30 How Immunity to Change approach nurtures developmental change

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